i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
