bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
