Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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