i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
