You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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