erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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