Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize