if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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