Cold hands, warm shart.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
