Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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