tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
