He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
