I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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