Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
