also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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