he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize