Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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