The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
