Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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