Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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