Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
