There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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