Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Randomize
