i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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