One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
