why didn't you poke me back
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
