I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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