butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
