he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize