thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
