I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
