I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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