Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
