why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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