His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
