Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize