i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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