Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
