I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
