Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Bring me that man meat
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
