Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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