Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
