so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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