Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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