how can u be prego again
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
