I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
