New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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