This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
