I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
