Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
