White coat. Heels.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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