pedialite and red bull = repair kit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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