Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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