If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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