put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
