If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
