Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am mentally ready for anal.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
