I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
