i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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