I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
