see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
