You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize