My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize