If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
