So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Houston, we have a blender
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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