Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
