I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
They have beer where we have blood.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
