I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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