two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize