I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
