if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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